Letter to Torture, post-perfect game

Dear Torture,

Feel free to take the night off. Actually, feel free to take a couple nights off.

The Horse has just put you in your place.

We Giants fans always feel good when Matt Cain takes the mound. But nothing made our stomachs churn and cause us to start biting our nails quite like realizing that the man on the bump could possibly pitch the first perfect game in the franchise’s history.

Yes, the entire history. Not a single pitcher since the club’s inception as the New York Gothams in 1883. And don’t get it twisted, this team has had some stellar pitchers on its staff. And there have been plenty of games where the Gigantes have kept their opponents from getting base runners home safe. But there was never a perfect game.

That all ended tonight. Because you, all-game-ruining Torture, couldn’t shake Matt Cain’s perfection.

I mean, sure, scoring 10 runs on offense certainly helped the cause. Home runs from the Melk Man, Great White, and the Baby Giraffe — thanks to snazzy new orange shoelaces — were greatly appreciated.  Not to mention that the Panda put bat on ball a couple times.

And what about Blanco’s sliding catch out in center field? Or Cabrera’s up-against-the-wall catch in left? Or the bullet that Joaquin Arias gunned to first for that final out?

Not to mention Cain’s total faith in Buster Posey for the full nine innings. Posey was also 2-5 with at the plate the a run scored.

The Giants were firing on all cylinders, with Cain and Posey in the driver’s seat. And even with immense outside noise and pressure, Cain kept his composure on the mound and in the dugout.

Looks like that golf swing that he took before batting practice was just what the doctor ordered.

I think it’s safe to say, Torture, you are officially a victim of the Cain-saw Massacre. Take a cue from the Houston Astros, and bow down to The Horse.

Peace out.