This Week In Orange: Battling the Bay — and LA

It’s Friday, Orange and Black Nation!!

And on this particular Friday, I only have two words on my mind: $%&!# interleague play.

Seriously, $%&# interleague play.

I can’t stand when my Giants have to play American League teams. Their pitchers take forever down the stretch, and for some reason their teams get way more ESPN coverage. And to top it off, the Gigantes haven’t won a series during this whole month’s interleague stint.

And that has got to change tonight! The boys in orange and black are going to O.Co for Battle Of The Bay before heading back to this side of the bridge to face those piece-of-$@#& Los Angeles Dodgers.

That’s right: Two series in a row of me ferociously screaming at the TV set until my neighbors call security on me.

So should you not feel like rocking glitter-and-gold-foil American Apparel leggings for this weekend’s Pride Parade, feel free to throw on a “DUCK THE FODGERS” shirt, drop by for some bright-orange cocktails and buffalo wings, and scream at the television set along with me:

Do whatever it takes to shut the A’s up: Personally, I didn’t dislike the A’s (34-36) until their fans found it necessary to bash on Barry Bonds about a decade ago. Especially after the slew of juicers on their own team. But that’s a whole other argument for a whole other column.

And for whatever reason, no matter how much better our record is than theirs, the A’s always seem to win against us.

We might’ve snagged two-out-of-three when we met earlier this season, but they have an all-time winning record against us (46-43). And then there’s the matter of my Timmy, but we’ll get to that a little bit later.

On the other hand, the Melk Man prevails: For as much as I can’t stand interleague play, Cabrera has hit .474 during this most recent stretch.

Our offense is generally in better shape than it was when we met Oakland before the All-Star break last season. Bruce Bochy said in a told SFGiants.com his team has plated 30 more runs that at this time in 2011. That should come in handy in the next two series, for sure.

No self-respecting Giants fan EVER supports the Dodgers: Anyone that says: “I’m a Giants fan, but I like/respect/don’t mind the Dodgers,” isn’t a real Giants fan.

Period.

With those blue-sporting beezies still four games ahead of us in the NL West, we need to kick their behinds by any and all means.

Zito and Vogie are going to have to seriously deliver next week. Zito is 6-8 with a 3.97 ERA over 127 innings pitched against the Dodgers. The Dodgers have a combined .337 average against Ryan Vogelsong, but his current 6-4 record and 2.41 ERA definitely instill some confidence.

And while we’re talking about pitching….

To my sweet, skinny Timmy-face: No, I absolutely do NOT buy into any of this bologna about moving him to the bullpen or that his career is completely over.

But there’s going to be a problem if I have to charge out to Oakland in my tutu if he completely crumbles.

Timmy, I’ll deliver Tacolicious to the dugout for you if I have to, but pleeeeeeeeeeeeease don’t crumble in the third–or fourth, or fifth–inning Friday night.

Start warmin’ up those pipes, sports fans. We’ve got some yelling to do this weekend.

Peace, Love, and BEAT OAK/LA.