Seriously, there should be a supernatural hex put on anyone that tries to rob a cemetery.
Like, the second a thief tries to lay their grubby paws on anything of value, an army of zombies should pop out of the ground, perform “Thriller,” and then drag the dastardly hijacker down to Underworld jail.
Or, something like that.
Maybe that would’ve helped prevent two thefts at Cypress Lawn Cemetery in Colma this month. Police said more than 525 bronze vases were stolen from robberies occurring on February 3 and 18.
The estimated cost of replacing the stolen loot is over $85,000. According to Colma Police Commander Jon Read, the value of the melted-down bronze is estimated at $4,000.
Read and his team are conducting an ongoing investigation with “allied agencies and recycle centers on the Peninsula,” and are encouraging anyone with information to contact the Colma police at (650) 997-8321.
And as for Cypress Lawn, Varner says that the cemetery has “added a chain link fence” to beef up security.
I still think a zombie army would be more effective in keeping thieves out.